My 4 year old has always been reserved, shy, and needed the extra push (or two) to try new things. He is one of those kids who cried for a month when he started preschool and for three months with his new dayhome. He failed the same swimming level five times because he was scared of the water. I worry about the extra support that he needs for his confidence. Then it just clicked. Something happened and within a week his confidence grew and became more independent.
It started with swimming
We have been taking the kids swimming for fun so he could get more practice in the water. There was no way he could pass his swimming lessons without the extra help from us. We have been trying to get him to dunk his head in the water, doing back and front floats and getting him to jump into the water by himself. We coached and coached. It seemed impossible. Then one day he just got it. He jumped into the water, immersed his whole head and swam 3 feet. He then managed to do a back float too. Unbelievable!
He then figured out how to ride his bike without training wheels
It took him all of last summer to get comfortable riding his new bike with training wheels. This spring he rode it like a champ. After 2 months, I got his dad to take off the training wheels. It took some practice and he was able to ride his bike within one afternoon! (Proud mama moment.) After a week, he got scared riding it and refused to get back on. The training wheels went back on. Sigh. A few days after the swimming event, he announced to me “Mom, you tell dad to take my training wheels off!” Dad took them off and he was off! (Super proud mama.) I drove home from work the next day and he whizzed by on his bike shouting “Hi Mama!” It was just amazing.
He got the courage to spend a whole week away from me
This whole week he and Miss 7 are spending time with their grandparents in a different city. This is their first time being away from home for this long. A month ago he was refused to go. After his swimming and biking achievements, he happily agreed to go. He did well and didn’t even call to ask me to take him home. It seems that his courage is on an upward trend.
My heart is celebrating for these milestones, but also breaking a tiny bit. All of a sudden I had to step back and let him do it all on his own. He didn’t need me to help him with these activities anymore. I am super happy for him for finding his courage and confidence. He is learning lifelong skills that he will never forget.
From the time our babies are born, we doing everything for them. As they grow, we slowly take a step back and let them do it themselves. From being able to sit up on their own, to crawling, walking, eating by themselves and playing. Their emotional and mental needs require more attention as they grow older. We constantly coach them to be more independent.
It does get tiring and we sometimes we get inpatient with them. I know for myself that I get frustrated and I may yell. He is only 4 years old and I’m sure we have many more milestones to get through together. I will take the time to enjoy the moments when my kids need me, because one day they will be doing everything on their own.
I have always found that when I’m completely overwhelmed or at the end of my rope with the kids “stages”, POW, they seem to change overnight.
That isn’t quite the same as fostering independence, lol. But still it amazes me how quickly they seem to change and adapt.
I find now that mine are 6+7 the struggle is to back off and let them do more. I’m still in the “do it all” mode and I catch myself A LOT doing things for them that they are capable of doing themselves.
Great post. Cheers!
Yes I agree! They do quickly change and adapt. It does feel good when they are more self sufficient!
wait till he’s 16 and driving by himself!
I haven’t even thought about that yet! Driving!
I can even see his confidence grow. Last week he said to me “auntie do you know I can ride a bike with no training wheels? And I’m good at it.” Proud that he can do it and proud that he can proud of it.
I’m glad to hear that he warmed up to you! He’s usually quite shy with people he doesn’t really know.
Great article! It’s so true that our babies grow up and their needs from us change so much!